Just some thoughts as the New Year approaches,

Things that I am terrible at:

• Opening envelopes.
• Remembering the word "prototype" when I want to use it in a sentence.
• Hearing.
• 
  

Things that scare me:

• Piles of hangers - they're all creepy and disorganized!
• Ducks, geese and turkeys.
• Elevators.
• 
  

Things that creep me out:

• Touching bananas, they're yummy, but I can't stand touching them.
• The smell of cold cardboard boxes, ick.
• 
  

I left open bullet points so that you all can fill in anything that you find overlooked, something that might be sad that it didn't make the cut.

I still need to figure out what to wear to the New Years Eve party, because as of right now it's just going to be my hot shoes and a mask. Although that would be readily accepted by the other partygoers, it might get a bit chilly. We are going to see Cats tonight and I am extremely excited. I also don't know what to wear to that. I am going to pull off some stylin' magic in the next 36 hours.

Praise Zeus that we know who the carver is! Don't worry Joey, I wont tell you. I wlil say though that last night's episode was the most stressful tv watching experience of my life. I survived though, aren't you proud of me?

Also, the club has a name. Strut.

Wow. Mucho love to everybody.

Dear Ashley (with whom I live):

I miss you. I am sad that I see you for approximately 1 hour a week. :( . I think that that will come up as a mad emoticon when I actually hit post, but it's supposed to be a sad face.

Love,
Sad Face
xoxo

The Land of Disney was great. Pictures to come. We rode the rides, ate the eats and had generally a grand time, except when Jakers needed to eat. Updated Space Mountain rocks your world. Sorry Jodi and Josh that I didn't call, but after 14 hours of running around in D Land, and having to leave for Phoenix at 4:00 a.m., all I was thinking about was sleep. We will catch each other soon!

Disneyland or bust! This should be fun, and I hope to return with stories. Stories that will be told after the 12 hours that I have to work on Saturday. Have fun not being in Disneyland everyone :)

The right gesture from the wrong one. I'm not sure how I feel about this yet.

I'm turning into an old lady. Ashley and I spent the evening after watching our picture stories in the recliners knitting. Meg taught me how to knit about a year ago, and that's about how long it's been since I have done it. It should be interesting to see how it turns out. I'm not going to say what I'm making yet, I'll wait and see what it turns out to be before I decide what it is. Also, the soundtrack to Love Actually is very good.

Who has a clean apartment? Oh, it's me.

I know, I'm lame.

Lots of weird high school reunion fun last night. Weird. Fun.

By popular demand, I am posting the "Arizona Barbies" bulletin that I saw on MySpace

Barbie Dolls
Mattel recently announced the release of Limited-Edition Barbie dolls for the Arizona market:

Scottsdale Barbie:
This princess Barbie is only sold at Scottsdale Fashion Center. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign lapdog named Honey, and a semi-custom dream house with a saguaro Cactus in front. Available with or without tummy tuck and facelift. Workaholic ex-husband Ken comes with squeeze-me Skipper and a Ferrari.

Chandler Barbie:
This modern-day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar minivan and matching gym suit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation or secondary education. Traffic-jamming cell phone sold separately. Can swear in English or Spanish. Available at Target.

Apache Junction Barbie:
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, bowie knife, a 78 El Camino with dark tinted windows, and a meth-lab kit. This model is only available after dark and can only be bought with cash, preferably small bills, unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about.

Ahwatukee Barbie:
This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or HummerH2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card set, and Country Club membership. Also available are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. Ahwatukee Barbie hasn't been affordable since the early 80's.

Mesa Barbie:
This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a classic Metallica shirt, and Tweety Bird tattoo on her shoulder. Wants to major in NASCAR at MCC. She has a six-pack of Coors Light and a Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's ass when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free. Available at Ross.

El Mirage Barbie:
This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own
high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased Beer-Gut Ken out of Mesa Barbie's (discontinued) house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, strawberry lip-gloss, and a
see through halter-top. Comes with Barbie's dream doublewide trailer. Available at Wal-Mart. Cheap.

Sedona Barbie:
This collagen injected, rhinoplastic Barbie wears leopard print spandex, and drinks cosmopolitans to new age music with friends at the lodge. She's into crystals. Comes with Percocet prescription and two alimony checks. Also cheap.

Phoenix Barbie:
This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional
accessories include a G.E.D. and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his '79 Caddy where available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.

Flagstaff Barbie:
This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair,
archless feet, hairy armpits, no makeup, and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her "Willow." She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Flagstaff Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon,you get a rainbow flag sticker for free.

Gilbert Barbie:
Is pregnant, drives a new Ford Excursion and is perfect in every way. We don't know who Ken is because he's always away hunting or in Japan on business. Gilbert Barbie aspires to become Scottsdale Barbie. Not cheap, but still very naive.

Tucson Barbie:
Into basketball and marijuana. Dropped out of PCC. Does nothing but complain about Phoenix Barbie.

Guadalupe Barbie:
This Spanish-speaking-only Barbie comes with a 1984 Toyota with expired temporary plates and three babies in the back, without car seats. This is the only Barbie who is willing to do manual labor. Ken comes in a meat-packer's uniform and is missing three fingers on his left hand. Green cards are not yet available for Guadalupe Barbie or Ken. Available at Food City.

Van Buren Barbie/Ken:
This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or subtracting the "snap-on" parts.

Sun City Barbie/Ken:
These dolls are going fast! Well, what we mean is they're old and don't have much time left. Both write checks for everything or pay in change, and can provide hours of endless repetitive conversation about "The good ol' days." Drives a golf cart, signals right to turn left. Can be seen in Barbie Grocery Store (sold separately) arguing over prices. Available at the doctor's office.

I'm bored. And not just at the current moment, just in general. So, I think that it is time to polish up the old resume and start looking for ways to use my degree as more than a coaster. We'll see how this turns out. Sidenote: I heart Ash, a lot.

Apparently upper respiratory infections can turn into corneal infections in the eye. That sucks. Just when you think that you're getting better, bam! Eyes are infected! Suck on that!

So I got my license plate today, that's pretty exciting.

Rock climbing was super fun. I tagged along with Justin and his friends on a trip to Joshua Tree National Park. I will post pictures soon. I climbed my first wall, and then proceeded to cry almost the entire way back down because I had to go backwards and balance my weight in a really scary way. For a few moments, I contemplated living on the top of that rock for a while. It would have been a good life, nothing is like life at the top of a rock in a beautiful national park.

So, I'm pretty sure that I'm going to do this. I'm not really positive that I can afford it, but I think that it's worth the try. Mom's going to flip!

Cosmos andNip/Tuck. How could this night go wrong?

Dear everyone who was a part of last night:

Thanks. I had a great time.

So last night I made my first grilled cheeses ever. Not the first that I have eaten, but the first that I have made. Ashley and Steph taught me how, and well, the third one I made was the best. I know it sounds weird that I can have survived this many years loving grilled cheeses and not know how to make them, but my dad loves to cook, so he always made them for my brother and I. I felt like Lucille Ball though, standing in the kitchen with curlers in my hair, trying to tend a pot of tomato soup at the same time as I burnt a grilled cheese. It was funny.

Today is Tuesday.

Cable will not be upgraded until tomorrow, and I might miss Nip/Tuck, this will be a tragedy of great proportions.

So in 7 days I will have officially survived this planet for 252 months. I'm super pumped.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOSH! And in two more days, HAPPY BIRTHDAY OTHER JOSH!

So Ashley's graet aunt makes this really yummy apple pie drink thing. It tastes like apple pie and about 2/3 of the way through it, I'm pretty toasty. Life is good.

Also, there is a large pink flamingo in our living room. Not that I have seen any other colored flamingos, but it is amusing.

So I don't think that I am meant to be domestic.

My father has been out of town for almost two weeks now. The house has been cleaner in that time than it ever has. Today was my day off. I decided that I'd mow the lawn and then come inside and dust and vacuum the whole house, considering that I have been at the Fortress all weekend and the dogs got stir-crazy.

First part of the plan, I go outside and start to mow the lawn. It is going rather successfully, except the mower seems to be losing steam on the thicker patches of grass, but that makes sense. And then, all of the sudden, in the middle of the lawn it just stops working. And then it starts smoking.

I come inside, and move all of the dog toys off of the ground so that I can vacuum. It's coming along well, I've finished two complete rooms, am working on the hallway. And then, all of the sudden, in the middle of the hall, it just stops working. WTF? So I empty out the filter and all, thinking that that could be the problem. Nope.

So now I have a lawn mower that doesn't work sitting in the middle of my backyard and a vacuum cleaner that doesn't work sitting in the middle of the hall. I'm afraid that I'll be in the middle of this post and my computer will stop working and start smoking everywhere. Maybe it will catch on fire. That would be kind of cool to watch, at least until I realized that I hadn't saved my post yet, and that my computer was on fire.

Through an interesting series of events, I am not moving in with my mother. Huzzah! Ashley and I will be living in one of my mother's friend's apartments while she undergoes chemo and radiation therapy in Utah. It is a mutually beneficial situation. My mom was talking about my grandfather today, and I realized that I know practically nothing about him. He passed away before I was alive, and it was my understanding that he died of emphysema or some other smoking related disease. Apparently he died of cancer. It started in his lungs, but when it was found, it had already spread everywhere, his brains, his bones, etc. I also thought that he was a heavy smoker until he died, but also apparently he quit shortly after my mother was born. I don't know really where I developed all these stories about him, maybe my grandmother, who knows? It was just weird to see how off they were.

I used to hate tomatoes, you know, when I was little. I even hated tomato by-products - salsa, pizza sauce. I always loved ketchup though, I couldn't figure out why, and it drove my mother crazy. Then one day I'm at this diner, and I order some turkey-something sandwich. I was tired and hungry and didn't think twice before I was halfway through my sandwich - it was so good - they must have some secret ingredient that I'd never heard of, I thought. So I pull back the top of my sourdough roll and what do I see? The same little red slices that have haunted my finicky eating my whole life. It was amazing, it was like my own personal tomato revelation.

This isn't a true story, but a monologue that I wrote a couple of years ago for no particular reason that I came across the other day. This monologue does not reflect the opinions of the author. I have yet to have a tomato revelation. It was inspired by a conversation, yeah, you remember the one.

On another note, it is a beautiful night. Perfect for reading and writing on the patio. Also, I painted tonight. I haven't done that since I was probably 9 and I tried to paint a whale. It looked more like an abstract dream-like cow.

So I am now alone in the house until October 6th, when my father returns from Europe. It will be nice to have my own place for a while, but I assume it will get depressing. Come visit me.

Which Britney Spears are you? Sexy Almost Naked Britney You are young and you have nothing to hide. You are a free spirit who has fun dancing and being sexy. You will be old with wrinkles some day, enjoy it while you can.

Click Here to Take This Quiz Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests.

Why are Otter Pops so darn good? I mean seriously. I know Ashley doesn't like them, but right now, they are like my favorite thing in the world.

Approximately one hour after my last post about my mom's house, she came home from work early to find me bawling and curled up on her bathroom counter so that her dogs would stop trying to consume my flesh. Needless to say, I'm not so sure about the move anymore.

I'm starting the moving process into my mother's house. This is going to be interesting. And I know that I'm going to have some frustrated times, but it really is the best choice. As much as I would absolutely LOVE to move out anywhere else, there really aren't many people who I would want to live with. And of that small amount, there are even less who aren't on a lease, and even less than that number who can afford it. So, I will move the mile west to my mother's crazy house. I'm sure there will be good times, and I'm even more sure that I will finally save money. Seriously this time.

Anyone who wants to volunteer some time to help me move, it would be appreciated. I don't have very much stuff, so it will take at the maximum three trips (of a mile).

Word.

I don't really know what I have been up to lately that has made me so busy. But I am hardly ever home, and usually when I get here, all I want to do is sleep. It's weird to think of all of those semesters in which I worked this much and was taking six or seven classes. I slept about two to three hours a night and was never phased by it. Now it seems like if I don't get eight hours that I am useless and will need a nap. Maybe my body was just very understanding and patient in school and knew that I could only have so much sleep, and that it would have a chance in the near future to sleep oodles. That time would seem to be now.

I saw a bumper sticker the other day that made me quite mad for it's stupidity. Maybe someone can explain. It said "God Would Be Pro-Life." There are two things wrong here. God "would" be, this implies that the almighty He either doesn't exist or is dead. As to say, "if there was a God, he would probably be pro-life." This bumper sticker was most likely placed on the car by an extremely religious (most likely Catholic) pro-lifer. And then secondly, and most annoyingly, those who want to bring God into these arguments, like I said, are most likely Catholic, or subscribe to some sect of Christianity. Christianity has always prided itself in the selling point that God gave us free will. Free will is the freedom to choose. So it only makes sense to me that God would be pro-choice. The almighty He wouldn't give us free will and boast about it just to prefer that we not have the legal freedom to use it.

I have my license now. That is fun.

I haven't had a kinda-sorta in a while, and I like it. Things are going well.

That is all.

How to make a jessica

Ingredients: 3 parts competetiveness 5 parts crazyiness 5 parts energy

Method: Layer ingredientes in a shot glass. Add a little cocktail umbrella and a dash of curiosity

Username:

Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

Projects:

Clean my room (again)
Rip CDs onto computer and get rid of unwanted ones
Figure out what the hell is going on with insurance from when ribs were broken
Organize pictures on computer (get cable from the Fortress to connect camera to computer)
Train Dixie not to be such a shithead (said with love)
Find a new rear end-cap for my bumper that mysteriously went missing and put it on
Figure out when I am moving to mom's, when I am moving away, where I am moving, etc.
Plan trip to South America (this is my favorite project so far) with Ashley
Enjoy some time with Ashley before she traipses off again
Play with Google Earth because it is wicked cool

Mostly blonde now! Figured that I never have been before, so it would be fun to try. Also, Ashley will be home later today!! If you can't tell, I'm super-excited.

This has been a pretty crazy summer. And as it comes to an end and school is about to start again, I feel like I am in a weird place. For the first time since I was in diapers, I am not going to be going to school. I don't think that it has hit me yet that I am graduated. It probably wont for a while. It is good to see everyone back in town for school though.

The ribs are at about 85%. I am at the point where I wonder if they are ever going to get back to 100%. It feels like the fall was ages ago, but I still have pain in my ribs. Come on now, it has been months! Body, let's go! Get your healin' on!

This afternoon I had what I believe to be my first encounter with a migraine. And wow, I never want to do that again. I have only really ever had an extremely painful headache two other times in my life. Once, in third grade, after recess, my teacher was reading us a story and I was crying quietly because my head hurt so bad. Turned out that I had the flu. During spring of the following year, my friends and I had rode our bikes to the 7-Eleven by us and I had to go home immediately, couldn't wait for them, because of a headache. Turned out that I had the flu.

Today I got home from my morning shift at work planning to go back to work a shift at night for a friend. I was cleaning and started seeing spots. I thought that it was just from moving around so much, and there were a bunch of lights on in the house, etc. I was having trouble seeing fully out of my right eye. I was le tired, so I had a nap, figuring that my vision would be up and running properly when I woke up. But oh the pain in my head when I woke up. Weird, the eye thing was still going on too. Weird. I tried all of my usual get rid of headache tricks - pop my neck and back, take Advil, apply pressure. Nothing. It wouldn't go away. Oh well, I didn't have time to deal with it, I had to go to work. At work, things were no better. My head hurt, who knows what was going on with my eyes, and then I started feeling like I was going to pass out. My depth perception was off and I barely felt like I had the strength to carry out a soda pop to one of my tables.

At this point, the lovely Brittany took notice to my odd behavior and told our manager that she ought to send me home, that they would do fine without me. I had my pops come pick me up because I had no idea what was going on with my body and figured that I was in no condition to drive. Trying to think of what might be wrong, I remembered seeing Brian go through some similar symptoms with his migraines. I asked the internet who replied, "You have a migraine silly girl!" Since I had already taken a nap earlier, I couldn't really fall asleep, but I knew that staying in the dark was the key to my relief. Then I remembered the percoset that I still have from the fall(see June posts if you are clueless). I woke up a few hours later feeling a little tingly, but with my vision restored and my head back to normal. I couldn't imagine the people who get migraines for days. How utterly awful.

Well, that's the exciting news of the day. Oh, and if I haven't mentioned it, my fantasy baseball team is not good. It is actually rather terrible.

And next week = Ashley!

Little Shop was delightful. The seats weren't the greatest, but pops and I still had a grand time. I will say though that I wanted the actors to be louder. And not louder in that I wanted their mics turned up, but there are quite a few songs in this show in which the character can really let loose and belt it out, and I felt like they held back a lot. Still good, I just wanted more out of them. I also think that in the case of this particular show, it is going to be hard to top Steve Martin in the character of Orin Scrivello, DDS (a.k.a. the dentist). It really isn't fair that actors are subject to such a comparison, but they are. The dentist is one of my favorite Steve Martin characters, and as such, it makes it hard for me to like anyone else in the role. Ho hum.

In other news, Ashley will be back in about 14 days! Hurrah!

Ahoy to the hotties of my alcohol class. If I am getting anything out of this experience, it is a great view and some numbers. When I went to jail I got hit on all up until I was put in my cell, I got a phone number and proposed to at traffic school, and good god the guys in my class today were good looking! Hey, I'm not saying that I am happy about the whole situation, but I am finding the silver lining in the clouds (I don't know that I really fully understand what that means, but I'm using it anyhow).

Otherwise things are good. Brother is moved into an apartment with a friend his own age. Good for him, he should have fun. In other news, I am taking my daddy on a date on Tuesday night. He doesn't know it yet but we are going to see Little Shop at Gammage and eat somewhere yummy. I haven't figured out where yet, but Sabuddy is always a good choice.

What a delightful day.

I had the day off today so that I could go to my substance abuse screening appointment, as per court order, to find out how many hours of classes I need to take as deemed by a counselor who decides how fucked up you are. Apparently I'm not too bad, because I was only assigned 16 hours, which will be taken over a course of two Sundays. Looks like it's a good thing that I wasn't able to do the other 9 days in jail. I was pleasantly surprised by what she gave me because the shortest amount of classes I have ever seen anyone get in the City of Tempe is about 8 months worth of them. Yay!

For those of you who know me even the slightest will not have to guess why I enjoyed this movie so much. I hadn't even heard of it until I went to check movie times. My brother also had the day off today, so we went to a matinee movie.

I spent a bit of my evening at Coffee Society drinking scrumptious chai and reading more about South America.

I have found the most delightful book. It will be of vast help in the planning process. I already got wrapped up in it with a chai tea at Coffee Society, I lost track of time and was the last to leave.

Yay!

Thought this was funny, and it is.

Your Boobies' Names Are: Bambi and Thumper

Get your own Boobie Names

I think that I have finally figured out that I am not trying to figure out what I am going to do for the rest of my life, just the next 6 months. I think thinking about the rest of my life is screwing up the planning process. Six months, I'd be happy with that.

I don't think that I'm going back to school. But my alcohol class screening is next Wednesday, so I'll be able to make a more informed decision next week.

P.S. The rain and wind were beautiful and crazy tonight, I wish that I wasn't at work when it was really storming, that would have been fun to spend more time watching.

Oh, ice cream and chocolate syrup, just as fun as always. Yay to Kelly, Molly and Vega for some good times.

In other news, I'm in one of those funks where I just have to laugh at myself. I'm being indecisive and just feel like I want to be really fussy, even though I don't really have any good reason to warrant the fussiness. Oh well, Ashley gets it. Love!

xoxoxo

WTF mate?

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (the new version) is fantastic. Kelly, Guillermo, Jake, Heather and I saw it at 12:01. Don't worry, no spoilers.

In some ways it is darker, as it has been described, but in other ways I found it much more cheery. I will say that I found it much funnier than the original and it has upheld that nothing will make me like Johnny Depp any less. I was most impressed with the makeup and lighting. These characters look just amazing. Kudos to the makeup artists and lighting technicians, they did a tremendous job.

I am excited to see it again to see the little things that I missed.

Also, I have decided what to be for Halloween and I am excited.

I never have been one to crave money or material things. Sure there's a thing or two that would be nice to have, that I might even want, but I've never felt a "need" for them.

I very much need to be more financially stable right now. I have more than enough money to just get by on, barring more run-ins with the law, considering that I pay 3 bills a month, one of which is a $4.95 subscription to ESPN Insider and Magazine. But I cannot stand living at home. My brother is driving me much less crazy, but still is. I think that the only time this house ever gets cleaned is when it is done by yours-truly, which I did today.

Today I vaccuumed the entire house, and as per usual I guilt my dad in to cleaning the kitchen (a room that I rarely ever use, considering that I eat most of my meals at the restaurant that I work at) after I have cleaned the house. I scrubbed my brother and my bathroom, I even mopped. I cleaned my room and vaccuumed it. Which is why I was so surprised to see the light on in my room when I came home, and when I opened the door it was like a disaster zone. Obviously the doings of litte miss adorable Dixie.

So why am I mad at my family that my puppy tore up my room? It is a very well established fact that Dixie is not allowed to run freely about my room unless I am home. Most of the time when I am gone she is locked up in her kennel (in my room), and sometimes, increasingly as she has gotten older, she is allowed to run about the house with the other dogs. With my door shut.

I can tell you are still confused, she is my puppy, why isn't she allowed in my room? Well, I have been in a moving around and cleaning process for about a month now. Which means that a lot of stuff is on the floor or in puppy's reach of the floor. She doesn't tear anything up when I am here, so she is allowed in during such times. From the way things are strewn about, it looks almost as if she was put in there with the door closed. Aside from the fact that I had just cleaned, I don't even really care about the mess. She chewed on a couple of books (Freud and Confucius), knocked my hamper over and created general hoopla. She also chewed open a bottle of lotion, which would explain the vomit.

Now we are getting to the key issue. Precisely what I didn't want her to do - get into things that will make her sick. Thank my lucky stars that there was no leftover Easter candy or chocolate lying about. This post would be from a completely different emotion. I found a chewed up box of staples. STAPLES! I don't imagine that those do to well for the canine digestive system.

My point here is that all of these things that happened (or were close to happening, such as the staples) are things that I specifically tried to prevent. I foresaw this happening if she were to be allowed in my room alone, and not only did I not leave her like that, but I also told my father very seriously that she is just not allowed. Matthew said that she was out and about when he got home, so it was clearly my father's doing.

I'm ready to be out of a house in which my property and my wishes are not respected. I am very glad and thankful that I came home to stuff torn up rather than a puppy who died of lotion and staple overdose. But I am really fucking ready to be out of here.

Mexico Digits

26 Dos Equis
12 Cerveza Sol
4 Margaritas
3 Dos Equis Amber
2 Tecate
2 Tequila Sunrise
2 Midori Sour
2 7 & 7
1 Bloody Mary
(Yeah, that's just my list - which my state of mind was not to "altered" to count)

6 Days in a country other than this one
5 Meals of a side of tortillas and a side of rice
4 Couples with whom I spent all of my time (which believe me, can get old real quickly)
4 Days spent out on the beach, playing in the beautiful waves on the warm(the water is probably warmer in Mexico in March than in CA in July) Mexican coast of the Pacific Ocean
3 Walks on the beach just chatting with Steph about everything
2 Close calls to girl fights (which led to mine and Steph's nicknames of Tyson and Ali - I'll let you guess which one I got)
2 Terrible games of volleyball, at minimum assuring that I can play a little bit without my ribs exploding or imploding
2 Meals that made my tummy unhappy
1 Fight with Stephanie over silliness
1 Blackout and 1 Brownout
1 American who I talked to who did not accompany us on our trip (he was pretty damn cute though; we were kind of anti-social)
1 Kayaking trip into the ocean and surfing the waves back to shore
1 Oar to the face during aforementioned kayaking trip
1 Really horrible sunset cruise on a pirate ship (yeah, I said it) that led to many little disasters
1 Lunch overlooking the ocean and 1 dinner from the top of a hill watching the sunset
1 Pretty damn good time

I'm in Mexico.

And you aren't.

xoxoxoxo

Mexico is in two days, and I am beyond ready for the time off. Of course I am no where near ready to leave and work doubles the next two days, but that's no surprise.

But considering how the last month has gone for me (did I tell you all thay my truck{which I'm not allowed to drive anyway} is not starting now? I think that it is the battery, but still), and how previous Mexico trips have gone, I'm a little nervous. But at least I should have some really good stories to tell when I get back, if I get back.

My fantasy baseball team sucks. Really bad. I think that I am 44-56 right now. Holy shit, my team is not good. It also helps that I have a zillion injured players. I'm exaggerating and you don't care about this shit anyhow.

I am battling with a "choice" that I have. I was sentenced 10 days in jail, 9 of them being suspended based upon my completion of alcohol classes. I have to go to a screening (in the end of July!) so that this company can evaluate me and see what I "need". After they see what I "need", I do it. I have friends who have "needed" two classes a week for upwards of a year(at 20 bucks a pop+some silly base fee). It all, to me, seems a little ridiculous. So I have been thinking, that, although it really isn't a great option, it might make more sense to just do the other 9 days in jail. I did my one already(see the last post), I think that I could handle 9 more. Obviously it would be different, I did my one at Tempe City Jail, but if I did 9, I would go to Tent City. It really seems like it makes a lot more sense to just do the 9 days, but then again, it's jail, and what girl (who is quite girly, but full of "bad-assness"[thanks Guillermo!]) wants to voluntarily go to jail more than she has to?

This is really fucking hilarious.

Talk amongst yourselves.

The Gypsy's Adventures of the Past Month

I have to preface this entry with the notion that I have not been completely honest with all of you. I have not lied, but I have failed to mention some things. Some of you already know, but oh well, read on anyway.

I have had a tumultuous month. It has been an interesting adventure, with today having in a way capped it off. For you to truly understand, I will take you back to the Wednesday that it all began...[dramatic scene fading music]

The Incident that Began it All: Thursday, May 19th, 1:00a.m.

On Wednesday, May 18th, I went to The Vine in Tempe with some friends. I had a couple of margaritas and a few shots (after all, it was my "birthday", i.e. the girl who's ID I had' birthday). I decided that I was getting tired, and seeing as how I had to be at work at 6:30a.m., I should head home and get some rest.

As I was passing through the intersection of Rural and Broadway, heading southbound, I failed to notice that a motorcycle cop came behind me. I had stopped at the intersection and was accelerating on my route, when I accelerated more than I should have (48 in a 35). I was promptly pulled over.

The officer asked for my license and registration, as per usual. He informed why I had been pulled over. He then asked where I was coming from and where I was off to. He asked me to step out of the vehicle, which I did, without shoes. He asked if I would like to put my shoes on, I laughed and said, "No sir, they're heels, I'll be better of without 'em."

After a slew of sobriety tests, I was asked to turn around and place my hands behind my back. I was arrested. The motorcylce cop radioed for a patrol car to come so that I could be escorted to the Tempe Police station. I think that I must have been the first person to ever have thought of it, but about a half of a mile into the drive I sparked a short conversation with him,
Me: Excuse me sir,
Officer [looking at me in the rear-view mirror]: Yes?
Me [looking around]: Is there an easy way to put a seat-belt on back here?"
Officer [perplexed]: Well, no, I don't think that there is. We aren't going too far though.

I was not brought to the jail, but to the D.U.I. van. I guess it shows you how dedicated Tempe is to cracking down on drunk driving, they dedicated a whole van to it. I was brought into the van, still barefoot, and handcuffed to my new seat. I took another two breathalyzer tests to further prove their case against me. I was allowed to call a friend to pick me up, who I was advised also should not have been drinking, because they too would get a D.U.I. I called Ashley, and said nothing more than, "Can you come pick me up? I'm at the Tempe Police station." No further explanation needed, she agreed and was on her way. [Sidenote: I love Ashley, not just for this, but it didn't hurt]

I was given my paperwork outlining my four charges (D.U.I., D.U.I. B/C, D.U.I. Underage, and Speeding) and my scheduled court appearance. I realized that I would be in Mexico at the time and would have to file for a continuance. I slept on Ashley's floor and she on the couch as we watched an episode of Sex and the City.

The Elk Incident: Monday, May 23rd, 1:45a.m.

So Steph had this idea that we should take a day, and go off to Las Vegas, just to relax and get out of Phoenix. We both worked a double on Sunday, and we decided that since we both had Monday off, that that would be the day. Sunday night after we got off of work we gathered our things, dropped Dixie off at Josh's [Steph's boyfriend] house to watch while we were to be gone. We took Steph's car, since it is so much newer and nicer and a better idea.

She drove about 20 miles into the trip until she decided that we should switch, because she was getting freaked out by it being so dark, her not knowing where to go, and the curves of the road. I also was freaked out by her driving with these factors, so I complied. Our manager had told us to look for highway 69, but she was mistaken and it was the 79. We missed it and by the time that we had realized it, we were pretty far gone.

We stopped at a gas station and the man there gave us the best directions from where we were to get to our destination. We continued on and ended up on a podunk "highway" that became a combined two-direction highway, with one lane for each direction. A semi-truck was coming from the other direction, so I turned off the brights. We went down a little dip and as we came back up and the lights followed suit so that I could see, all of the sudden there was a large animal standing in the middle of our lane. I swerved to the left, but it still clipped the passenger side, and then swerved back into our lane as to avoid the oncoming semi-truck.

I pulled over about a quarter of a mile up the road, but we were shaking and too freaked out to get out in the middle of nowhere in the middle of the night to check, so we decided to go on to the next gas station to check the car out and go from there. Stephanie looked out her window and saw a little hair attached to her can and flapping in the wind. We got to the gas station, and Steph tried to get out, but her passenger door wouldn't open. We called 911 to ensure that the elk would be removed from the road and so that we could get a police report so she could file for an insurance claim.

We went on to Las Vegas anyway and had a ball. We came back poorer, more tired, and with fresh ink.

The Roof Incident: Thursday, May 30th 11:00 a.m.

No more needs to be said. If you haven't been paying attention, please refer back to the previous post.

The Reason That All of This is Relevant: Wednesday, June 15th 3:00p.m.

At 1:45p.m. yesterday I arrived at the Tempe City Jail to serve my 24 hour sentence, which would begin at 3:00p.m. As I was sitting in the lobby waiting for an officer to come get me, I heard a ruckus beginning behind me at the security check point. Two passionate men were causing an uproar because they were trying to enter the building, but refused to submit their bags to a screening to make sure that there were no weapons within. They then rambled on about some code entitling them to distributing a questionnaire to the officers. The officers referred to them as fruitcakes and had more officers come and deal with the situation.

I giggled about it quite a many times and after giggling with Joey and checking out a "gorgeous" chick, I returned back inside to wait. I met James, a loan officer for Bank of America who decided to talk to me. We had exchanged the typical friendly smiles, followed by looking down at the ground to signify me not wanting to talk to him. Then he was called for what he needed to do, and so I was left back to my silent preparing for my next 24 hours.

I was brought down to the holding area with my other comrades (5 guys, so I wouldn't be spending time with them). We were stripped of everything but our clothing and patted down. I was more groped than patted, but oh well. I went to my "suite" for the next day.

It had exactly 304 bricks comprising the walls. It was painted an awful shade of blue that looked gross with the blue metal doors/"window". There were 17 screws in the room, 12 affixing the light to the wall, 3 attaching the water fountain/sink/toilet to the wall and 2 keeping the grate on the vent on the wall. There were two "bunks". One was a concrete block on the ground approximately 6 feet long by 2 feet wide. About 3 feet above it, affixed to the wall by 4 large bolts, was the second bunk. I pulled the mattress off of the top bunk and doubled up mine on the bottom.

At no point did I have a roommate, but five different girls were arrested throughout my stay. I quickly learned that the girls handled the situation in two distinct ways: A. Cry hysterically and freak out, or 2. Remain calm and cordial, and even somewhat friendly with those in your surroundings.

Three of the girls were in the same boat as me, option number 2. But two of the girls were in the first category. One of them more so than the other. She was bawling on the phone with her mother, keeping me awake. Eventually she calmed down enough for me to be able to sleep. I woke up to her hyperventilating, crying, and yelling. She was freaking the fuck out. I quickly realized that talking to her would be A. The right thing to do, and 2. The key to me getting back to sleep.

So I asked her what was wrong, and she replied that she was having a nervous breakdown. I didn't really know how to help her, but I tried to break her down as I figured that I would best be broken down in this situation. I got her to slow her breathing down by focusing on it and breathing through her shirt. Then I started to talk to her about things other than that which she was freaking the fuck out about, such as school, work, etc. And then, I got her to laugh about her situation, noting that hopefully she at least won the fight that got her there.

Finally, she was calm, and quiet. I returned to sleep. I slept probably 20 of my 24 hours. I never really was upset or thinking about what I did, just slept. It helped that because of my ribs I have a prescription for Vicodin, which aided my sleeping continuously.

I think that I have become that bitter jaded bitch of a server/bartender that I swore that I would never be when I was the young naive giddy hostess. I don't yet know if I think that that is a good or a bad thing.

I have been in constant pain for the past week and a half. The only exception being when I have been sleeping. But even the pain killers aren't helping. Sorry to anyone if it has affected my mood and made me bitchier, unless you deserved it.

XOXOXOXO

A few weeks later, and I still don't know if it was a good decision or not. Right now it just seems to be a neutral one, I guess I'll find out.

I got sent home from work yesterday. For the first time in a while too. But this time I didn't get sent home for "being a bitch" (which I kind of was the other time), but because I was in so much pain. I work a double today, so we shall see how this goes.

With my new-found afternoon off, I basked in the sun and finished my latest book, How to Make Love Like a Porn Star; A Cautionary Tale by Jenna Jameson (and Neil something). I highly recommend the read. You all have heard me say it, it makes me want to be just like her without the stripping and f#cking on film. Really, it's a tremendous book, easy read and quite well written. She doesn't try to paint herself as the victim nor the victor, it's just good ok, trust me.

Now that I am back into a good reading rythym and have no school and little work as distraction, I will move onto the many other books that line my shelves that I have been hiding from. It helps that my friends are in San Fransisco and that I can't drive anywhere. But anyway, I shall try to provide a book review for my readership in decent time intervals, hopefully weekly, or less.

Now that I have worn out my comma button, I shall bid you all adieu to finish cleaning my house and then probably go cause a ruckus.

For a while now I have been pondering a topic, and as of last night I have decided that I needed to create a discussion/post/possibly a piece on it.

Femininity vs. feminism. Is it possible to be a feminine feminist?

Quite often society places generalizations upon groups of people. I am a woman and I believe highly in the power and strength of women. But I am also a lot girlier than popular belief. My question proposed is, in today's society, can a woman who is considered a feminist retain her "girlishness"?

This post will serve only to spark a slight discussion. I would like to use that as a creative diving board for me to create the aforementioned post. Indulge me with your thoughts on the subject.

Sleeping in is exhausting.

So stubborn Jessica finally went to get x-rays taken. Two cracked/broken ribs and a chest wall contusion (the muscles in my chest are bruised really badly). I'll survive. The worst part is missing work. Not that I'm really missing it, but I took off a week to go to Mexico, and now am taking time off to recover. And having all kinds of time off, when I don't have to go anywhere or do anything in said time, makes me want to go back even less. I really need to work on finding that gay sugar-daddy I've been talking about.

Other things are good. It will be interesting seeing her more often, considering how much and for how long I have held nothing but distaste and disrespect for her. I will do my best to be civil and respectful of the others around us. We'll see...

Angelina Jolie is hot. And I still don't know that I believe that she's with Brad.

I am broken, be gentle with me.

I fell through the roof of a house that I was working on building and plywood gave and I went through to the ground. Luckily I broke my fall with a nice, soft saw-horse. Oh yeah, I said it. A saw horse. It hurt, a lot. The worst part is the jerks wouldn't let me back on the roof to finish what I started. But the percoset has kicked in, and woosh! It's an interesting feeling.

"I want, I don't know what I want."

-Me, earlier today

This sucks.

Like, really, a lot.

So, the graduation party was quite successful. It was delightful to see so many people that I haven't seen in a while. It was interesting though, that tonight really showed me how much I have grown as a person and become smarter; outside of what I learned in school, but really what I learned in college. I have really learned to carry myself better. I defend myself and my position when it is right. I will no longer accept that someone who has higher authority than me is right just because they think they are. I will speak my mind and make it heard when I feel it is important.

I also have begun to not put so much faith and my feelings into other people's hands. There were quite a few people who I really really would have liked to have attended this evening, but they were no-shows. But I can't let that upset me anymore. They didn't come, but I had a bevy of other friends and family in attendance. It was a fantastic evening, that wasn't spoiled by the absence of someone who I thought was important to me.

College works.

Yes, that is my final answer.

I am graduating. In six days I am graduating from Arizona State. There will be a party for Ashley and I Friday night at 6:30. Call for more details.

Nobody's fault but my own

As of this morning I have completely withdrawn from classes for the semester. It is a weird relief feeling. Due to multiple circumstances, I just got so far behind, and with the exception of one, none of my professors were willing to let me make up what I had missed. And rather than fail all of them, I decided to withdraw. It will not affect next semester. Sweet.

Next semester. Now that's another question. To graduate or not to graduate? I could, and I wouldn't have to deal with school. If I don't, then I can continue to take classes for free and have insurance. I'm leaning towards staying in school, at least for a while longer. I mean, free. And did I mention insurance? Politics of things are annoying.

In other news, things are really going better and better at the Robin. And to think, everyone said that I would last two weeks before I quit or got fired - 4 and a half years ago.

"Never underestimate the predictability of stupidity"

-Some guy in Snatch

Oh, blog, I have neglected thee!

I have been quite the busy little Red Robin bee lately. Next week I will check in to a hotel in North Phoenix, and be there for three weeks to open the Happy Valley location. Things should be interesting. I am nervous and at the same time excited. They are trusting me to train a whole team for the open. Wow. I just hope that I can live up to expectations.

School has fallen by the wayside. I don't really know what that expression means if you look at it closely, but whatever. I somewhat have the motivation to do it, but as I do not actually have to attend any classes, it is difficult to find (make) time. I seem to think that hanging out and playing cups is way more valuable to me than these for classes. And in many ways, I think that it actually is. I am proud that I finished all of my school requirements so quickly. I worked really damn hard to do as well as I did, but I also didn't do much more than school and work and hanging out with the same group of friends nightly. Now I have a little more freedom to meet more people, and more than just meet them, actually spend time and get to know them. It has been fantastic.

But then again, I did spend a lot of money on my Italian books, so I'd better learn something.

P.S. Why doesn't blogger ever know what time it is when I post? This is quite frustrating.

Oh siblings.

Matthew pissed me off last night, by waking me up in the middle of the night to see if I was done in the office and ready to turn off the light (I apparently forgot to do so). I responded in the most mature of manners by putting eggs in his bed for him to roll over on.

Too bad it didn't work.

The following is a post discussing the term "historiography", written for a class, but an interesting topic., especially considering the taste and nerdiness of my readership.

Historiography, by its definition on Dictionary.com, refers to A. The principles, theories, or methodology of scholarly historical research and presentation; B. The writing of history based on a critical analysis, evaluation, and selection of authentic source materials and composition of these materials into a narrative subject to scholarly methods of criticism; and/or C. A body of historical literature.

Now in this definition, historiography and objectivity must go hand in hand, based on the fact that it purports to be scholarly and authentic. But let us take, for example, our sorted history of feelings about Christopher Columbus. According to the authentic first-hand accounts written by many of the "whites" who were on the voyage and made it to the "New World" for the first time, Columbus was a hero, to be held high on a pedestal. But to the "Indians", Columbus was a n intrusive barbarian who destroyed their land, culture and people. These two perspectives both stem from authentic primary sources, so how do we choose what to believe?

That is where our written history plays into our current culture. Continuing with the example above, the American school system has for years on end chosen to support the former of the two perspectives. It is only in the present that curricula are even acknowledging another perspective.

So objectivity becomes a concern for both the recorder and the receiver of the written communication. We will look at another example. The political arena, although we try to show it as a fair and open system, is strictly as we know a bipartite system. When a Republican representative says or writes something, that may be far-fetched or even inane, Republican citizens will tend to buy into it, because they identify with the source, and most likely are “hearing what they want to hear”. On the other hand, Democratic citizens and officials will be the ones to question every word, idea, and even spelling put out by the opposition. This obviously works vise-versa as well.

At this point, perception becomes reality. What I perceived to have happened in an event, based on what I read and hear about it, is what I will consider to be the reality of the situation. Which means that every single person’s truth and reality is different from the next’s. This can even vary for primary sources, as we saw in the Columbus example.

Relating back to the Worthen discussion of Peter Holland's writing in which he states that Holland confronts the issue of the academy as an "institutional structure" where there is a tension between "the logic of facts, and the generalizing power of narrative that represents and inevitably falsifies them", I would have to agree with Holland. As seen in the Columbus curricula example above, and in another example: Creation vs. Evolution. The institution that is public education has taken this argument/conflict of theories beyond the point of education. Many schools are so scared of offending parents that they skip over the theory of Creation, and would not even think about teaching any other religions’ theories. The imbedded power and credibility of an American academic institution supports anything that the student is taught, and does not encourage that student to do further research and decide for his/herself what is “true” to him/her.

Based on the issues discussed, I believe that a historiography can be most related to its third definition, C. A body of historical literature. This is because it is through reading of literature, including fiction, non-fiction, theater, etc., that a modern day reader would best be able to assimilate his or her own perspective on the culture and events of the past; without having to question the objectivity of the source nor his/herself, he/she would be creating his/her own truth and reality based on those writings.

I thought that I should update:

It became quite apparent that the little broken puppy has been upgraded back to the little puppy. This realization came at 7:00 a.m. as she tried to eat my face (And this is why she is not upgraded back to The Adorable One quite yet).

Today has been filled with naps and not being able to wake up. As well as me just now realizing that I was going to go to a meeting at work 2 hours ago. Damn.

Oh, poor broken puppy.

I feel like I have a child with this dog. Whenever I take her anywhere, I have to pack her "things" (blanket, toys, snacks, etc.) When she whimpers, I don't know what she wants, to eat, to shit, etc. And tonight she hurt herself, and it was heartbreaking, but I don't know what to do to make it better. Poor broken little puppy.

The latest reasons that I like Arizona:

A. Last night (and by last night I mean around 4:00 in the morning) it was warm enough that I was wallking around in shorts and a t-shirt, with no qualms about it.

B. I had a delightful afternoon in the sun, laying out and playing with Dixie, who is a damn cute little bastard.

C. I can attend Arizona State University without going to Arizona State University, thus not having to park at Arizona State University.

D. Products such as Arizona Iced Tea, which are super-yummy.

I really didn't think that it would be possible to get a 4 out of 10 on an online quiz in which I was to conjugate verbs into present and past tenses, while I have a 501 Italian Verbs book in front of me. (If you don't know what this book is and you study a foreign language, you need to get with the program.)

I have been reading Eats, Shoots, and Leaves. Excellent! I must say, if you aren't nitpicky about punctuation and writing, you would most likely hate this book. But if you are, you will be in love. From the way she talks about commas to the explanation of the semicolon, a pure delight!

And yes, I do understand the extreme level of nerd that I have just reached.

I really didn't think that it would be possible to get a 4 out of 10 on an online quiz in which I was to conjugate verbs into present and past tenses, while I have a 501 Italian Verbs book in front of me. (If you don't know what this book is and you study a foreign language, you need to get with the program.)

I have been reading Eats, Shoots, and Leaves. Excellent! I must say, if you aren't nitpicky about punctuation and writing, you would most likely hate this book. But if you are, you will be in love. From the way she talks about commas to the explanation of the semicolon, a pure delight!

And yes, I do understand the extreme level of nerd that I have just reached.

Be proud of me.

I bought a computer part all by myself. I didn't make my dad or brother or mom go with me.

Wow.

(stolen from Ashley)

Here are your instructions because A. You Love Me and B. I am Bored.

1. Reply with your name and and I will then write something about you.
2. I will then tell you what song reminds me of you.
3. Next, I will tell you who you remind me of, celebrity, animated or otherwise.
4. Last, I will try to name a single word that best describes you.
5. Put this in your journal

The adorable one is sick and I am over my head in my Italian class.

This looks to be an interesting night.

Just adorable 

She knows she's pretty 

I mean seriously... 

How cute is she? 

So I got a new puppy. She is super adorable. Her name is Dixie, she is a miniature pinscher, and she is 7 weeks old yesterday. I shall post pictures so that you all can fall in love with her as I have.

I want to be mad at you.

When I think of all of the bullshit and nonsense, I want to be irate. Keywords: want to be. I can't. I want to talk to you and tell you off and cuss you out and attempt to make you feel a percentage of what I feel. But I can't. I try to think of all the shit that you did that should piss me off. But I can't. When I try, all I can think of is your stupid smile, and times that you made me happy.

I want to be mad at you, but I can't. And God dammit that pisses me off!

So, yet again, it has been a while. But oh well, shit happens, and you people don't read this anymore really anyway. Get over it.

School has started again, but it is weird this time around. I am taking only internet classes, so that I am still in school, but not really in school. You know? It all started when I decided not to graduate in December so that I could go to Chile (I would have been heading down south in February). But then I admitted to myself that I couldn't afford to do the exchange program. So there I was, after finals. I hadn't graduated, wasn't going to Chile, and worst of all, was not registered for classes. Since it is free anyway, I figured that I might as well stay at ASU for a while, and see what happens. And now I am enrolled in 4 internet classes (I haven't taken this few credit hours since freshman year), and have all kinds of time. I mean, it's like time galore over here. I went from last semester - 7 classes (all 400 level) and 2 jobs - to this semester - 4 classes and 1 job. What the hell am I going to do with myself? If you have any suggestions (that aren't vulgar or downright rude) please let me know.

I really have a strong urge to go snowboarding. I don't know why. Last time I went, I fell, a lot. But I still had fun, and I think that I might do better this time, even though it has been 2 years. Oh well, I'll give it another shot.

So my brother has moved in with my father and me, and I have to admit, I'm not so sure about this, I have mixed feelings. I mean I love my brother and all, but any of you who know us know that we aren't the most pleasant to each other. Within a day he was driving me crazy. And that is actually an intended pun, because he parks where I always park. I have asked him very politely not to, but that would be too nice of him. We'll see how this goes, whether the sibling rivalry will thrive or if we can get along like normal human beings (which probably would look more like rivalry than peace).

Happy 2005 by the way. It should be a good year. It is the year that I turn 21. It might be the year that I graduate college. It is an open and free year in which millions of things will happen and change things and all of that melodramatic bullshit. Let's have fun with it.